


Don't Try to Disappear

by talonyth



Series: prompted [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, also another daitsukki for jun yay!, i guess, tsukki having slight panic attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-06-18
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1833379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talonyth/pseuds/talonyth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima doesn't get lost ever but when he does, Daichi usually finds him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Try to Disappear

"Hey, where is Tsukishima?"

There is a moment of silence and everyone looks around but no one seems to have an answer. Hinata’s question is justified and all eyes suddenly rest on Yamaguchi. 

"You were in the back with him, right?" Daichi asks and worry prickles in his stomach. 

Yamaguchi nods slowly and looks down. “…He said I should go on… so I…” It seems as if the words get stuck in his throat and Daichi notices that he pulls so hard at the hem of his shirt that it might rip if he continues. He pats Yamaguchi’s shoulder and smiles at him, as brightly as he can. 

"Hey, don’t worry. It’s not your fault! I was just asking because I thought that perhaps he told you whether he takes a break or not."

Yamaguchi’s eyes lighten up a little and he shakes his head. “He didn’t say anything about a break. But he might have taken one on the way…. he looked exhausted.”

"I see. Well, maybe he got lost. It wouldn’t be the first time it happens to one of us, right, Hinata?" 

The short boy flinches at the mention of his name and mutters something along the lines of how it was a genuine mistake and that it won’t happen again and suddenly, the tense atmosphere is gone as Daichi hears how Tanaka goes into detail and Hinata gets teased further by everyone else. 

"Anyway," Daichi states with force and everyone listens once more to his voice, "I’ll go and look for Tsukishima. You lot better go back to the gym. And don’t forget to the flying push-ups."

"Aren’t you just trying to run from that, Daichi?" Suga says with a laughter supporting his comment. 

"I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you."

The smile on Daichi’s face doesn’t cease until everyone eventually are with their backs at him, going back to the gym. He exhales deeply. There is no way Tsukishima would have gotten lost. Neither that he would take such a long break. Or fall behind this much. And Daichi is sure that Yamaguchi knows that fully well too, hence why he was so worried. 

He turns around and jogs the way back they’ve been running. It would be a good training session if he’d be less distressed about what might have happened to Tsukishima. He was a loner, definitely, except for Yamaguchi no one was around him longer than they needed and sometimes Daichi wonders whether Tsukishima even wants someone around him. 

Of course he does. Of course he minds. Even if he doesn’t say it. Daichi has barely ever - actually never - met someone who truly wants to be alone. It might be one reason - if not The Reason - why he looks out for Tsukishima, perhaps even a little more than for the others. Because he doesn’t want to be alone. 

It doesn’t take long, maybe two blocks up ahead of the gym, until Daichi finds him. He sits on the floor, his back leaning against the fence, his head lowered and his legs pulled up to his chest. So small, he looks so small for someone who is almost 190cm tall, like a lost child waiting to be picked up. 

"Tsukishima!"

He calls out but there is no response. Daichi can’t tell whether Tsukishima chose to ignore him or simply didn’t hear it. He jogs a little closer to him and opens his mouth again but closes it as he sees Tsukishimas’s shoulders trembling. There are no sounds coming from him, not even a breath is audible as if he keeps everything he has within him. It’s painful to watch it and Daichi gulps down hard. 

Daichi steps closer and kneels down in front of him, tapping his shoulder lightly. 

"Tsukishima."

The boy tenses up but Tsukishima doesn’t look up. In fact, Daichi still can’t see his face despite their proximity. His guess is that he is crying and doesn’t want to show but for that, he isn’t breathing enough - actually, he isn’t breathing at all.

When he realizes, he grabs Tsukishima by his shoulders and he can feel his voice in between cracking and yelling. He can’t believe that it isn’t simply as if Tsukishima keeps everything in - he actually holds his breath.

"Hey, Tsukishima! Look at me, you hear me!"

He shakes Tsukishima once - both in anger and worry that he would do something so incredibly stupid - and he feels the other breaking his position. His face looks pained with crooked eyebrows and overly red cheeks and he lets out a deep breath but can’t seem to recover, as if he doesn’t remember how breathing still works. 

"Tsukishima, look at me!"

Daichi’s hands slide down from his shoulders to his arms and he grabs them tightly to pull Tsukishima closer to him, their foreheads almost touching. He averts his eyes, even turns his entire head away from Daichi, his entire body trying to curl up, not wanting to let Daichi see. His breath is still ragged and uneven. 

"Tsukishima, for heaven’s sake!" Daichi says as he grabs Tsukishima’s face by his cheeks, somewhat more forcefully than intended. He bumps his forehead against Tsukishima, the metal of his glasses scraping the bridge of his nose almost painfully but it is endurable. He still tries to squirm out of Daichi’s grip, his eyes closed shut and his breath almost broken, taking long breaths out but very short breaths in and if he does, it sounds like the air needs to pass walls of iron to get to his lungs. But Daichi holds onto his face firmly and doesn’t let go and he feels Tsukishima loosening up - at least a little.

Daichi’s voice goes softer as he speaks up again.

"Tsukishima, look at me - just breathe, okay?"

There is no change in reaction at first but Daichi knows to be patient this time. And he is rewarded with eyes opening behind the glasses and looking at him in slight panic, tears rolling down his cheeks although Daichi can’t tell whether he is crying or the lack of proper air caused his eyes to tear up. 

"It’s okay, it’s fine now. I’m here. Relax, okay? Breathe in and out, slowly. It’s fine," he nearly chants and breathes in deeply himself. And out again. As planned, Tsukishima mimicks Daichi’s breathing and little by little, his posture loosens and his breathing flattens. The only thing still tense are the fingers grabbing Daichi’s wrist. Tsukishima’s nails are nearly digging into his skin but Daichi can’t help but smile.

"Better?" he asks and he knows there probably won’t be an answer. 

Tsukishima casts his eyes down and nods almost imperceptibly if not for the closeness between them. Which reminds Daichi that he probably needs to give Tsukishima some space now. He backs away and lowers his hands down onto the floor - but Tsukishima doesn’t let go of his wrists. 

"Were you scared?"

Tsukishima looks away. His cheeks are still red, his chest is still lifting almost heavily up and down. He squeezes Daichi’s wrists a little tighter and Daichi smiles again. 

"You know, you can’t suffocate from holding your breath. Your body does everything to keep you alive so—-"

"I know," Tsukishima says and his voice sounds rough and raspy. 

"Good." Daichi pauses and thinks whether he should say the next thing or not. 

He can only imagine what Tsukishima brooded over. Not wanting to go back, not being welcome, not being able to keep up anyway. Sometimes Daichi feels like Tsukishima wants to disappear like that. But he is sure he really just wants to be there, with everyone else.

"Even if it was possible, or your body would fail you, I’d be there. So don’t try to disappear like that, okay?"

Tsukishima bites his lower lip and the grip around Daichi’s wrists becomes so tight that he can’t feel the blood circulating anymore. No one wants to be alone, not even someone called Tsukishima, Daichi thinks as his hands fall numb.


End file.
